The Cows of Uganda

~ No Women with delicate natures allowed ~

(From my "There's always something to write a poem about" department, This article
appeared in a Miami paper today....)


Canada's largest private electric
company, TransAlta, signed a multi-
million-dollar deal with Global Live-
stock Group, a U.S. company, to pro-
duce a feed supplement that will
reduce cow flatulence in Uganda. If
successful, a TransAlta spokesman
said, the decrease in methane gas - a
leading cause of global warming -
caused by cows farting and burping
will be equivalent to 30 million tons
of carbon dioxide....................

The Cows of Uganda 

TransAlta to the rescue, boys!
They're here to save the day
By stopping global warming in
A very special way.

It's those Uganda cows, you see
Creating havoc there
By flatulating wildly
Screwing up the ozone layer!!! 

That methane gas they're letting out
Is damaging the earth.
I always knew Uganda cows
Had questionable worth!

But flatulation is a way
Of "easing" things a bit
Like a teapot does whenever
It lets steam come out of it.

So, without the opportunity
Of lightening their load
It seems to me Uganda cows
Could very well explode! 

"Hey, Maude! My gawd, girl...look at that!
A flying bovine part!
Must be those danged Uganda cows
That ain't allowed to fart!!"

No need to go down to the store..
Just look up at the sky
Before long, some Uganda cow part
May come flying by!

But let's suppose, for argument,
That it does work - what then?
What if those same dumb scientists
Extend the plan - to men???

Life, as we know it to exist,
Would simply cease to be
If we were not allowed to let
One fly occasionally.

Some men make it a science....
It's almost Olympic sport!
Men pride themselves in knowing
They produce a loud retort.

Or what about the hunters
In the gray of early dawn
Who, after 15 cups, can feel 
A good one coming on?

It's a call to Mother Nature
As it shatters dawn to bits!
(It's also very useful
If your duck call's on the fritz.)

I'm not for global warming
Or the problems it may bring
But I curse those darned Uganda cows
For starting this whole thing!!!